The Sexual Guide to Computers

Наткнулся в сетинашел и прочитал. Нетленный труд by Russ Walter.

Secret Guide to Computers 18th edition cover

Книга пропитана неиссякаемой любовью автора к компьютерам.

Computers are like drugs: you begin by spending just a little on them but soon get so excited by the experience — and so hooked — that you wind up spending more and more to feed your habit.

Your first computer experience seems innocent: you spend just a little money for a cute little computer. You turn the computer on, tell it to play a game, and suddenly the computer’s screen shows dazzling superhuman colors that swirl hypnotically before you. You say «Wow, look at all those colors!» and feel a supernatural high.

But after two months of freaking out with your new computer, the high wears off and you wonder, «What can I buy that’s new, exciting, and gives me an even bigger high?» So you buy more stuff to attach to your computer. Now you’re in really deep, financially and spiritually. You’re hooked. You’ve become addicted to computers. Each month you return to your favorite computer store to search for an even bigger high — and spend more money.

Look at me. I’m a typical computer junkie. I’ve already bought 50 computers, and I’m still going. Somebody help me! My computers have taken over my home. Whenever I try to go to sleep, I see those computers staring at me, their lights winking, tempting me to spend a few more hours in naughty fun, even if the sun’s already beginning to rise.

Для него это круче чем секс:

The computer will fascinate you. It’ll seduce you to spend more time with it. You’ll fall in love with it. You’ll start buying it presents: exotic foods (expensive programs to munch on), new clothes (a pretty little cloth cover to keep dust off), and expensive jewels (a printer and extra disks).

Then the computer will demand you give it more. While you enjoy an exciting orgy with your computer and think it’s the most joyous thing that ever happened to you, suddenly the computer will demand you buy it more memory. It’ll refuse to continue the orgy until you agree to its demand. And you’ll agree — eagerly!

The computer’s a demanding lover. You’ll feel married to it.

Marrying a computer is much groovier than marrying a person: computers are good at «getting it on» (they make you feel all electric and tingly) and they never argue (they’re always ready to «do it», except when they «have a headache»).

I wanted to call this book «The Sexual Guide to Computers» and put a photo of my computer wife and me on the cover; but some communities still prohibit mixed marriages. That cover would be banned in Boston, which is where I’ve lived. So I had to play cool and say «Secret» Guide to Computers. But here’s the real secret: this book’s about sex.

If you marry a computer but already married a human, your human spouse will call you a «bigamist» and feel jealous of the computer. Your marriage to that human can deteriorate and end in divorce.

Достаточно сказать, что первое издание вышло самиздатом в 1972. С тех пор вышло 29!!! изданий.

Причем автор покрывает кучу тем…

Buyer’s guide: user’s guide, shops, chips, disks, I/O, packaging, software, complete systems
Operating systems: Windows, MS-DOS, Mac OS, Linux, Palm OS
Internet: providers, Web, e-mail
Word processing: Microsoft Word, Microsoft Works, WordPerfect
Fixes: maintenance, repairs, viruses, hoaxes
Tricky apps: spreadsh., databases, graphics, desktop pub., Web design, accounting, games, humans
Programming: QBasic, Visual Basic, JavaScript, Java, C & C++, exotic languages, assembler

Management: our past, your future, resources

Вот такой вот труд компьютерного извращенца.

The Secret Guide to Computers

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